The Day I Decided
by listeninggame
Summary: Fifteen is too young to be making all of these decisions. But I'm broken. So I'll keep running anyway. Alice Longbottom centric (next generation) ASP/OC


She ran. And ran. And ran a little faster. She got lost in the halls a few times, but she still kept running. She never realized how wonderfully refreshing running felt. How quickly it carried you away from the things you dread. How quickly you can escape.

Except there was no escape. Everywhere she turned saw his eyes. Those disgusting, bright green eyes. The shadows creeping up the wall were as dark as his messy, burnt bacon colored hair. The moonlight streaming through the window reminded her of his sickly pale skin. No. No escape.

She saw a golden opportunity and ran out of the door and down the stone steps of the castle. She didn't stop though. She kept running until she reached the water's edge. She fell to her knees on the sand. Her knees almost touched the water, but they didn't. Peering into the shallow water she saw something move and then a ripple right where the reflection of her face should be. Her ugly, pale face with her used-to-be-gorgeous-but-now-too-short-and-too-wavy blond hair and her not-as-cute-as-it-used-to-be button nose and her wishing-she-realized-before-that-she-had-too-small-and-too-plump lips and her almost-always-sparkling-or-so-she-thought dead reed colored eyes. Her not-pretty-enough-for-him face. She reached up and touch that very face and realized that she was crying. She had disrupted the image of her never-going-to-be-as-perfect-as-it-should-be face with her tear.

She looked up from the distorted image and out across the lake. It was so beautiful. It reflected the glowing half moon and the bright stars. When she was little she wished she could count all the stars in the sky. She'd spend ages outside counting and she made sure that she memorized her placed before she had to go to bed. She was so distressed when she came back the next day to find that "the stars had moved".

A quiet chuckle startled her out of her reminiscing. She looked around before realizing it was her own. She looked back out at the lake. She really loved counting the stars. She loved counting and numbers in general. But she could never tell anyone. It would ruin her perfectly sculpted reputation of "that feisty blond Hufflepuff who only cared for boys, gossip, and fashion".

She thought she was smart for pretending all these years. There weren't that many expectations she had to worry about. Like the others. But these days pretending was getting to be really hard. The Sorting Hat wanted to put her in Ravenclaw, but by that time her reputation already had built its foundation. She chose Hufflepuff. She regrets it now. Pretending is so hard. But by pretending she could keep her life in perfect order. Or so she thought. She hadn't bet on others _not_ pretending. He sure didn't care that he was messing up her meticulously planned out future.

She let out a choked sob. She exclaimed in a voice to tight to be her own, "It's so hard!"

Staring out over the lake, she wondered if life would be easier if she just walked across the water and up to the stars. She could count forever up there. Or would she just slip into the lake? That sounded so perfect. It seemed like a fairytale ending. Slipping into the cool glass surface of the lake and falling to the lake floor. Forever immortalized in the dead reeds that grew at the lake's edge.

She stood and held her bare foot above the water's surface, ready for her fairytale ending. At the very moment that the tip of her toe touched the water she was consumed by hatred.

She hated the fact that she'd never get a fairytale ending.

She hated that she couldn't walk across the water and up to the stars.

She hated that it was so hard.

She hated that she had to pretend.

She hated that she loved to count.

She hated the fact that the stars kept moving.

She hated her choked tears.

She hated her ugly face.

She hated him.

She hated that there was no escape.

She hated running.

Because in the end all running ever did was lead her to the water's edge, too afraid to do the one thing that would give her that fairytale ending. Maybe it wasn't a mistake that she chose Hufflepuff. She was a pansy and coward. She pulled her foot back to stand next to the other. She couldn't. She wouldn't. Because life wasn't a fairytale. At least, not for her. She laughed a cruel, heartless laugh that nobody would ever say she'd be able to produce. But nobody would ever say she was broken. And this girl standing at the water's edge counting and running and not pretending all at the same time... she isn't the same girl; she is broken.

She fell.

Alice Longbottom fell.

And down went the hate with her.

She fell into the water, too shallow to even reach her ears.

She lay there looking up at the stars. She started counting them. She cried harder than she had ever cried before. Everything came out. The salty tears mixed with the crystal lake around her. She felt stained and dirty. She felt like a terrible person. For burdening this beautiful lake with her cracked tears and ugly face. And she counted the stars.

She decided that day. She decided that she would get her fairy tale ending.

She decided that one day she would walk across the water and up to the stars.

She decided that it will always be hard.

She decided that she'd never pretend again.

She decided that she would always love to count.

She decided that she would move with the stars.

She decided that she would choke out tears.

She decided that she would never be more beautiful than she was now.

She decided that she would always love Albus Severus Potter.

She decided that she just escaped.

She decided that she would always run.

Oh, how Alice loved running.


End file.
